wiping us both out

the wait for children to come to our home is wiping us both out.

it's tearing the two of us apart.

every day, stories of fathers stabbing their daughters to death, of children spirited away in the night, of babies abused by those who just happened to be a sperm or egg donor at one point in the past.

i'm nearly beyond any hope of this ever resolving, of us ever having children. for all its melodrama, i fear becoming that bitter older person i've always feared. being childless is this is the one thing that would drive me there.