maybe

All right, I've been loath to post this, but I'm going to go ahead and do so anyway.

I posted recently that we're now one of two families being considered to adopt the three little girls in Colorado I spoke of.

This news seemed to fill me with unspeakable dread. The sensation can best be described as being like Tantalus - reaching out for that drink of cool water, and having it recede just as your fingers can start to sense the wetness. That's how I've felt.

I've felt abandoned by God at different times in this process - the sense that I, and I alone, am being singled out for an extra special dose of heavenly punishment no one else is going to get. God has chosen, I've told myself many a time in the past three years, to single me out, sort of like an adoptive parent Wandering Jew*, forced to bear this yoke of shame like no other man.

I know it's b.s. - you don't have to tell me that. Still, I have this amazing capacity to self-mess with my own mind - to tell myself things that, in the light of day (and the light of scripture) I know to be untrue, but that make perfect sense in the desperate times.

So, as I was saying, I approached this news with a certain sense of dread. I guess I've been thinking that this is simply yet another opportunity for the prize to be snatched away at the last possible second.

And yet...

I still know that God is good. I still know that He keeps His promises. I still know it's a Biblical mandate to care for orphans and widows. I still know He's created me and my wife to want children - desperately so, and anything He creates is not for naught.

So...

It's in this understanding that I share the following: Katrina is of the informed opinion (and it is a logical one, I might add) that we should be finding ourselves traveling to Colorado sometime soon to interview with the social workers in charge of these children. It does seem to make sense - if there are only two families to deal with, I would think that any social worker would want to meet the families in question before letting children in their charge go live with them, right? Still, the ramrod rigid side of my mind insists that we haven't been told this specifically, so I'm still not holding my breath.

Katrina called the social worker this morning, but she was away from her desk all day.

Maybe more information tomorrow.

Maybe.






*The myth of the "Wandering Jew" is centuries old - it tells the tale of a man present at the crucifixion of Christ, who did something of particular offense to Jesus (as if being whipped and nailed to two boards was small potatoes). Anyway, as the story goes, Jesus tells the dude that he won't die until He (Jesus) returns to earth. And the guy has wandered the earth ever since, bearing this particular burden for over 2000 years. Needless to say, not a word of it is theologically sound, but that hasn't stopped the story from circulating for centuries.