...not against flesh and blood...

It's sometimes good to be reminded that there definitely are forces and powers out there that are completely hostile to God...

Several weeks ago, Katrina and I agreed to begin teaching the third grade Sunday School class at our church for the summer. I was a bit apprehensive, to be honest - I have spent the past seven years with middle schoolers, quite a breed apart from the third grade.

So, we went to a Christian Ed training meeting at the church, got our curriculum together, and spent several days last week setting up our classroom. We decided to go with a Hawaiian theme, since it's summer (despite the fact it's 52 degrees outside, and, by all rights, should have loaded up the animals onto an ark yesterday with the amount of rainfall we've had).

Sunday morning came, and we went in early to grab some goodies at Safeway. I had a touch of heartburn (probably nerves, I'm guessing), so I dropped Katrina off at the main entrance to the store and circled the car around to park. I wanted the Tums I'd taken a few minutes earlier to take effect. After pulling our '90 Camry into a spot, I then turned my attention to figuring out the settings on my new cell phone. All was going well. I heard a car pull up into the spot to the right of me, and a woman's animated voice speaking at high volume, apparently on a cell phone, then

BANG!

My entire car shook as she thrust open her door into my rear passenger door. I instinctively looked up as the woman was slamming her door shut - never once breaking stride to even acknowledge she'd at least dinged me.

I'll have to admit, I was angry. Now, granted, my car is fourteen years old, and isn't in showroom condition, to say the least, but, it's my car. I guess my anger was driven by the fact that this oafish person (driving a BMW, no less) couldn't even drag herself away from her cell phone long enough to even notice A) there was a person in the car she'd dinged and B) that she'd even hit my car at all.

So, I got out of the car and, since she was now nearly to the store entrance, shouted, "uh, ma'am, you just slammed your door into my car!"

Now, how would you respond?

A) "Oh, man, I'm sorry!"

B) "What? Oh, my gosh, I didn't realize it!"

C) "BITCH, I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN' TO YO' CAR! F*** YOU! (Then, to the person on the cell phone) "Can you believe this sh**? Some white boy is tryin' to tell me I slammed my door into his car!"

Let's hope none of you out there went with "C." Unfortunately, the BMW driver did.

Dumbfounded, I just stood there in the middle of the Safeway parking lot, having been cussed out by a rude woman with a cell phone crammed in her ear. To compound her rudeness points, she never once even removed the cell phone from her face, even to yell at me, which I'm sure the person on the other end of the line just loved.

Angry Woman with the Cell Phone in Her Ear (AWCPE) kept on walking, as I stood there, um, dumbfounding. Once I had finally found my dumb, I walked around to the passenger side of my car, to find, dead center on the rear door, a nifty little swatch of paint that precisely matched that of the BMW.

Okay, now I'm pissed.

Not really knowing what to do, I yelled to AWCPE in my best 8th grade teacher voice, "Ma'am, you have damaged my car! You need to get back here, NOW!"

I won't bore you with more expletives, just know that once AWCPE got back to where I was standing, the honor of my mother, father, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, pets, and casual accquaintances were all assaulted in very specific terms by this very angry woman.

It would have been humorous, if I were watching it on TV or in a movie theatre, such was her animatedness. In real life, though, it was honestly flat-out scary.

I finally said, "You know what, I really don't want to talk to you. I'm calling 911, and we'll let the police figure it out." I got out my own phone, and called the emergency number.

I guess I should note somewhere in here that AWCPE was *still talking into her cell phone this entire time.*

As we were waiting for the police to arrive, she began accusing me of causing the damage to my car. Or, at least, that's what she was telling the person on the other end of the phone, who was probably trying desperately to find some way to hang up on this nutball. I didn't quite get this, and didn't really understand what she meant by it until I heard her explain her side of the story to the sergeant who arrived.

After I related to the sergeant what had occurred, AWCPE then actually told the officer the following (as Dave Barry says, I'm not making this up):

"Officer, as I was walking away, I heard a door slam, and this man got out of his car, came over to my car, opened my door and slammed it into his car so he can get insurance money from me."




I'll give you a second to digest that one.




Uh-huh.

AWCPE drives up and parks next to me. She gets out of her car, never touching mine. I, being the golddigger that I am, espying that she was driving a choice Beemer, decided to work some mojo on the sitch. So-o, I get out of my car, walk over to hers (which, I failed to mention, was indeed left unlocked), opened her driver's side door (car alarms be damned!), and SLAMMED IT INTO MY OWN CAR. To try to get insurance money.

Again I say, uh-huh.

I've gotta tell ya, the look on the Sergeant's face as she told this story was almost worth the entire nasty ordeal. After she finished, he stared at her for a full five seconds, not speaking a word, then finally said, "You know, ma'am, I've been in police work for 24 years, and that has to be the single most ridiculous story I have ever heard."

Everyone, all together now: YESSSSSS!!!!!!! (Note: pumping your fist in the air in victory is optional).

As it turned out, the sergeant spoke with AWCPE (who finally extricated her Nokia from her outer ear canal when I finished telling my version of the story) while I waited in my car. He explained the particulars of the law to her, and that, even though the damage was certainly less than $750.00 (the minimum for something or other, maybe for the police to have to file a report of blame, like in a real accident), I still had the legal right to contact her insurance company and seek redress. He also told her that if cooler heads had prevailed at the outset, then this whole thing might have been avoided. Which was true. He then came over to me, and gave me an abbreviated version of the same speech, along with a copy of a report of all the particulars of the incident, including addresses, phone numbers and insurance company info.

Now, here's where the whole spiritual warfare aspect of this comes in: as the sergeant was driving away, AWCPE, (whose name is Veneta, by the way), came over to me with her hand stuck out, and she offered a sincere, heartfelt apology, explaining that she'd had a very bad night the night before and wasn't having a particularly good morning, and that she was not behaving like an adult whatsoever, and asked if I'd please accept her apology for the way she behaved. She also said she would understand if I felt I needed to contact her insurance company to file a claim.



Wow.



Total night and day, Janus-headed kind of turnaround. And I believe in my heart of hearts that she was indeed sincere.

Being raised in a Presbyterian church, then later developing most of my theology in Baptist churches, I've never been one to look for demons around every corner or up every tree. But, I truly believe something spiritual was happening that Sunday morning in the Safeway parking lot. Something, or someone, is not very happy that Katrina and I are making a difference in the lives of 3rd graders. This situation could have become very, very, very ugly, but ended up, inexplicably, on a positive note.

"For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12, New International Version